Empowerment Leadership Model for Small Groups, Teams, & Families
Course 3, Lesson 17
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How to Handle Changing Group Membership
How to Handle People Leaving
How to Bring New People into the Group
Note: Whenever "group" or "team" is used, it can mean "group", "team", or "family".
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When People Leave the Group
There are many different reasons why group members leave the group. In problem-centered groups, people may leave because they have solved their problem. But, people leave because of new demands on their time, disillusionment with group progress, lack of continuing interest in the purpose, resistance to individual improvement required in behavior and/or knowledge, etc.
When People Leave the Group Without Notice (Disappear)
Sometimes people just stop coming without notifying any group member or the group leader. In this case, the group should discuss why that might have happened and if the group wants to do anything about it. If such leaving happens after only a few meetings, it is likely that they person no longer desires the group purpose or decided the group is unlikely to accomplish the group purpose. But, underneath there are other possibilities like not feel like he or she fits in, lack of confidence in his or her own social skills, embarrassment at something he or she said at the last meeting, etc.
But if disappearing is a good deal after the group members have been together, it most likely signals an undiscovered interpersonal problem in the group or a personal emergency in the missing person's life.
In either case, the group should process (think through together) the absence of the group member and what should be done about it. In the rare case that the missing person was not an asset to the group and its work, the group might decide to do nothing or send a note saying that they enjoyed the time spent together but understand that something has come up to require the person to drop out.
However, usually the missing person has been a helpful group member or is a person who definitely needs what the group's purpose has to offer. In either case, the healthy group will decide to reach out to the person in some way.
When People Leave the Group With Notice
When people notify the group that they are leaving group membership, the healthy group will find out why. Usually the person will tell why. If not, the group should find out why. Most often there will be a legitimate need to leave the group that is understandable and the group will not try to talk the person into staying. But the group will need to be emotionally honest so that it does not stay a hurtful experience. People will express that the person will be missed. The group will do well to look back at that person's good contribution to the group. What is important is that feelings of sadness, even a midst gladness for the person leaving, is expressed. It is not healthy to deny the hurt and just throw a party as if that person's departure doesn't mean much. To suppress the negative feelings of loss is to create ongoing, unconscious pain related to the group. This can cause people to emotionally withdraw from the group and the group's members. This will negatively affect that person's contributions to the group.
When People Leave the Group Without Notice (Disappear)
Sometimes people just stop coming without notifying any group member or the group leader. In this case, the group should discuss why that might have happened and if the group wants to do anything about it. If such leaving happens after only a few meetings, it is likely that they person no longer desires the group purpose or decided the group is unlikely to accomplish the group purpose. But, underneath there are other possibilities like not feel like he or she fits in, lack of confidence in his or her own social skills, embarrassment at something he or she said at the last meeting, etc.
But if disappearing is a good deal after the group members have been together, it most likely signals an undiscovered interpersonal problem in the group or a personal emergency in the missing person's life.
In either case, the group should process (think through together) the absence of the group member and what should be done about it. In the rare case that the missing person was not an asset to the group and its work, the group might decide to do nothing or send a note saying that they enjoyed the time spent together but understand that something has come up to require the person to drop out.
However, usually the missing person has been a helpful group member or is a person who definitely needs what the group's purpose has to offer. In either case, the healthy group will decide to reach out to the person in some way.
When People Leave the Group With Notice
When people notify the group that they are leaving group membership, the healthy group will find out why. Usually the person will tell why. If not, the group should find out why. Most often there will be a legitimate need to leave the group that is understandable and the group will not try to talk the person into staying. But the group will need to be emotionally honest so that it does not stay a hurtful experience. People will express that the person will be missed. The group will do well to look back at that person's good contribution to the group. What is important is that feelings of sadness, even a midst gladness for the person leaving, is expressed. It is not healthy to deny the hurt and just throw a party as if that person's departure doesn't mean much. To suppress the negative feelings of loss is to create ongoing, unconscious pain related to the group. This can cause people to emotionally withdraw from the group and the group's members. This will negatively affect that person's contributions to the group.
Bringing New People Into the Group or Team
First of all, it should in almost all cases be the group's decision to bring someone new into the group. It is there group, and if they do not decide, then that people may not become a real member of the group with privileges, etc.
A person might ask to be a member of the group. Still, the group should make the decision, thus inviting the person in.
Should a person be added to the group rather than invited, the group should still be asked to accept that person into the group. For example, a new deacon might be elected to join the Deacon's Group. The existing deacons should decide how to accept that new deacon.
In all cases, after the group has accepted a new person into membership, it is the group's responsibility to transition the new person into the group and its ways of working. In many ways, the group now leads the new person through the contracting phase. The group tells the new person what is the group's purpose and how they go about pursuing that purpose. The group explains the privileges of membership and what it needs from members (expectations) and gets commitment. The group acquires the new person's commitment to all the other group members. And, the group explains your role. (This illustrates the principal of group leadership to not do anything the group or its members can do.)
Copyright 2012 Dick Wulf, Colorado, USA