Empowerment Leadership Model for Small Groups, Teams, & Families
Course 3, Lesson 15
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Family Day Trip
Starting a day trip correctly for success.
Note: Whenever "group" or "team" is used, it can mean "group", "team", or "family".
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Tuning-In to the Target Population
TYPE OF GROUP: YOUR FAMILY
therefore,
the TARGET POPULATION is: FAMILY MEMBERS WHO LIVE IN YOUR HOME
This example is of a two-parent family, but sometimes a single-parent family can do this easier. Still, notice what can be accomplished in the family with a day trip led this way.
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TUNING-IN STEP ONE: Understand the situations of potential group members. What are their lives like? What kinds of things do they face? What might be going on in their lives? What is normal behavior for them?
John does not have to work the second Saturday of next month. Sarah needs to get her school project done before that Saturday. Mom hates outings where she has to do all the planning.
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TUNING-IN STEP TWO: What might potential group members be THINKING about their lives? About themselves? What do they want out of life?
John doesn't think his life is much fun. Sarah thinks she is good at finding fun things to do. Dad thinks his life is dominated by his work and doesn't think he has time for many family activities. Mom thinks she has to hold the family together since Dad is not around enough because his employer "owns" him.
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TUNING-IN STEP THREE: What might potential group members be FEELING about their lives? About themselves?
John feels bored much of the time. Sarah feels excited about most things. Dad feels stretched. Mom feels tired.
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TUNING-IN STEP FOUR: Regarding the group or program you will propose, what might potential group members think and feel about it? And what might they think and feel about you, the leader?
Nobody thinks that the family can spend a day together and come out of it with everyone feeling good about it.
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TUNING-IN STEP FIVE: What do you think and feel about the potential group members? About the group as a whole? About leading the group? About your skills, the facilities, etc.?
I/We want to turn our family around from a busy, harassed family to a fun family where we are more involved with one another. In a few years, the kids will be gone and it will be too late. I/We hope that this new way of leading the family as a whole will help.
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Formulating a Motivating "Offer of Opportunity"
Formulating a Motivating "Offer of Opportunity"
Decide upon a generalized purpose statement that embodies something critical that (1) family members really want and (2) that they need each other to achieve. It also must be a purpose that you want to help your family achieve. Design a purpose statement that connects what you want for your family with what family members want.
We are going to do a family day trip in a brand new way. Everyone is going to be involved. This meeting is to plan it. The purpose of this day trip is to enjoy one another while we do activities that keeps everyone in mind.
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Establishing the Agreements of "The Contract"
Establishing the Agreements of "The Contract"
The Contract is the set of agreements between family members with one another and the kids with the parents (leaders). The Contract establishes the understanding and commitment necessary for the family to accomplish its purpose.
CONTRACTING STEP ONE: Using the “tuning-in” that you did before this first meeting, help family members know that you care for them and somewhat understand them and their life situations. Then, lend a vision about the benefits of working together.
"We are going to do a family day trip in a brand new way. Everyone is going to be involved. This meeting is to plan it. The purpose of this day trip is to enjoy one another while we do activities that keeps everyone in mind."
"In the past we have just hoped we would have a good day. But, we are going to become the kind of family that makes a good day happen, even if we have to solve problems along the way." "If we work together, learning how to do it better and better over time, we can spend a day together successfully. We will do more than just plan a destination and activities, we will take everyone's needs seriously." |
CONTRACTING STEP TWO: Offer the day trip experience in as simple a way as possible. Communicate the “Offer of Opportunity” and seek their feedback about joining.
Plan helpful actions that will engage the possible feelings, thoughts, and actions of potential group members in a way that will help them overcome doubts and commit themselves to the group. Anticipate problems that might come up when you offer the group or program, such as concern for competing activities.
Plan helpful actions that will engage the possible feelings, thoughts, and actions of potential group members in a way that will help them overcome doubts and commit themselves to the group. Anticipate problems that might come up when you offer the group or program, such as concern for competing activities.
"So, the purpose of this meeting is to plan a day trip that will take into account everyone's needs and be a lot of fun for everyone."
"The purpose of the day trip will be to help one another help the family enjoy one another while we do activities that keeps everyone in mind." "What do you think about this and how we can make the day trip happen successfully?" |
CONTRACTING STEP THREE: Help family members accept the day trip as going to happen. Help everyone agree to work together to make it a good time rather than fight the outing.
“Can anyone think of anything to add to improve the trip purpose of helping one another help the family enjoy one another while we do activities that keeps everyone in mind?
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CONTRACTING STEP FOUR: Lead a discussion on the cost of having a successful day trip.
Things to consider may include but are not limited to the following: (a) respect for each other, (b) acceptance of everybody's fun needs, (c) helping in all aspects of the trip, and (d) a host of other things. Ask everyone to contribute to the list.
Things to consider may include but are not limited to the following: (a) respect for each other, (b) acceptance of everybody's fun needs, (c) helping in all aspects of the trip, and (d) a host of other things. Ask everyone to contribute to the list.
“Let's talk about what will be necessary if we are to plan and carry out a family day trip where we enjoy one another, have fun, and keep everyone's needs in mind."
"I will start the list. Everyone will need to remember that everyone is important all the time, all day. What else comes to mind?" |
CONTRACTING STEP FIVE: Not all that applicable to this example.
CONTRACTING STEP SIX: Ask for commitment of family members to each other.
“Can each of you commit, not only to this family and its purpose, but also to help every other family member? This even means that you commit to help each family member be helpful to our family."
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If John or Sarah is resistant, express regret that they are not willing to contribute to the family in this way. He should still have to stay in the meeting, even though from this point on he will not be taken into account, whether or not he will be going on the day trip.
Later on in this meeting, the other three of you will discuss how you can really enjoy yourselves and not let John's attitude on the trip or absence from the trip prevent enjoyment.
Note that at any time during this meeting or even on the trip, if he goes, John can make the commitment to be a helpful part of the family.
CONTRACTING STEP SEVEN: Not all that applicable to this example.
Later on in this meeting, the other three of you will discuss how you can really enjoy yourselves and not let John's attitude on the trip or absence from the trip prevent enjoyment.
Note that at any time during this meeting or even on the trip, if he goes, John can make the commitment to be a helpful part of the family.
CONTRACTING STEP SEVEN: Not all that applicable to this example.
CONTRACTING STEP EIGHT: This Step is not needed in the family.
CONTRACTING STEP NINE: Not all that applicable to this example.
CONTRACTING STEP TEN: Explain that everyone has benefits from being a family member and ask what are the things each family member can expect from the others on the day trip.
“Okay, since we have the purpose of having a day trip that will take into account everyone's needs and be a lot of fun for everyone, what does everyone have a right to have? To start our list of what we need to give to every other family member, we need to be polite and friendly, not hurt one another intentionally, and do at least one thing that each person want to do. What else?”
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CONTRACTING STEP ELEVEN: This step can be skipped for this example.
CONTRACTING STEP TWELVE: The point of this Step is individual behavior that can be expected from each family member. It is close to what was covered in Step Ten, but reconfirms that they will be expected. It may be a chance to think of new things like helping family members enjoy themselves or make it through an activity they do not enjoy.
After dealing with individual behaviors that will help the family trip be good, discuss what behaviors will be detrimental to having a good time.
The primary purpose for this Step is to set it up for Step Thirteen when family behavior rather than individual behavior is needed and expected.
After dealing with individual behaviors that will help the family trip be good, discuss what behaviors will be detrimental to having a good time.
The primary purpose for this Step is to set it up for Step Thirteen when family behavior rather than individual behavior is needed and expected.
“What might be required from each of us to bring success? What do we each need to do that hasn't already been mentioned?"
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CONTRACTING STEP THIRTEEN: Help the family consider what it will need to do as a whole rather than as individuals. Help them to identify things like creating a "can do", positive, accepting atmosphere. There is need for the family members to understand what they need to do as a team during the day trip.
“What things can you think of that we will have to do as a family for this to be a great trip? What can we do that no individual member can accomplish, like only the family as a whole can help someone get over disappointment or notice all of the things on our day trip that Mom would like to see.”
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CONTRACTING STEP FOURTEEN: Help the family plan the day trip by identifying what is necessary to achieve the family's purpose. The family must decide when to go, where to go, find out something each person would really like to do on the day trip, how much money is available, and if they need another meeting after they have done some research about possibilities and thought through what they each would like to do.
Copyright 2012 Dick Wulf, Colorado, USA