Lesson 3/12

Empowerment Leadership Model for Small Groups, Teams, & Families
Course 3, Lesson 12

Natural Relationships Group
("Energy Group")
Starting correctly a group of people who want to help
someone or some family who is in real trouble

Note: Whenever "group" or "team" is used, it can mean "group", "team", or "family".
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Steps to starting include (1) identifying those who need to be invited, (2) tuning-in to those you will be asking to join, (3) designing a motivating Offer of Opportunity, and (4) meeting with people and establishing a set of agreements we call a "contract".

GENERAL INFORMATION ON "ENERGY GROUPS"

Natural Relationships Groups ("Energy Group" for short, as saying "N-R-G" sounds like "Energy") are the very best way for a church to deal with emergency situations,.

An Energy (NRG) Group is made up of the family or person in distress and 4 to 10 of the family’s or individual’s closest Christian friends and relatives who are available in the geographic area. In effect, it is the local inner circle of supportive believing people. (That's why we call them Natural Relationships Groups = NRG or Energy Groups.)

Natural Relationships Groups can be the most effective way to help an unemployed person get a job, a cancer victim face life challenges, help a suicidal person, help a single mother survive and get training for job and income improvement, save a very troubled marriage, etc. To see an Energy Group in action, read our article titled Helping a Long-Unemployed Father Finally Get a Job.

Energy Groups make a lot of help available for solving the problem, especially when it might take some time. The single purpose of the Energy Group is to focus the effort of many people to help resolve the emergency situation (family or individual). Not only will there be more people with more motivation because of their relationship with the troubled family or individual, but group members will have their networks of contacts to help with resources,  geometrically expanding the help of your church.

You can learn about these regular Energy Groups in our article titled Helping a Long-Unemployed Father Finally Get a Job.

We suggest that these groups be composed of Christians, or at least primarily so. Energy Groups are led by a group leader from your church.

There are many advantages to helping emergency situations with a group approach. Here are just a few obvious benefits:

1  Usually in big-problem situations one or two people will try to carry the burden of helping. Over the long run, they will become overwhelmed. Many will drop out of helping, leaving the problem unsolved. Proper leadership of the Energy Group will prevent this shrinking of resources by burnout.

2  More heads will come up with more ideas to evaluate. Furthermore, participation in an Energy Group can bring life-changing spiritual and emotional growth for the group members who are helping the victims. (Illustrated in our article titled Helping a Long-Unemployed Father Finally Get a Job.)

3  Christian friends of the family or person helped will see how your church takes charge to get things done when life gets really tough. Some of them without a church home or with only minimal attachment to a church will decide to join your church. Those who are in the Energy Group will come expecting to be put to work for the Lord. Because of this, they will make pretty good church members.

4 Sometimes non-Christians will need to be included in an Energy Group. They will see what Christianity is all about. Some of them may become interested in Jesus Christ and accept his salvation.

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TYPE OF GROUP:   ENERGY GROUP (NATURAL RELATIONSHIPS GROUP)
   therefore,

the TARGET POPULATION is:  INNER CIRCLE OF CHRISTIAN FAMILY AND FRIENDS IN THE GEOGRAPHICAL AREA OF A FAMILY OR PERSON WITH A SERIOUS PROBLEM

TUNING-IN

Note that you are not tuning-in to the family or the individual being helped. It will be the group's job to tune-in and help them. You are tuning-in to those you will invite to be members of the Energy Group to help that family or individual.

Tuning-in is the process of understanding other people as much as possible by estimating their life circumstances and identifying the range of their thoughts and feelings about their own realities - as they might perceive them. When you invite them to join the Energy Group, keeping in mind their various situations will help you offer a group effort that is realistic for them to join. This will increase the chances that many will agree to be a part of the group.

TUNING-IN STEP ONE: Understand the situations of potential group members. What are their lives like? What kinds of things do they face? What might be going on in their lives? What is normal behavior for them?

If the person is a friend or relative of the family or individual facing a serious problem, he or she may be very concerned. If not overwhelmed with own life or if has a good relationship with the victim, she or he will want to help. Or may not want to help because of poor relationship with victim, generally self-centered, or feels that his or her own resources are stretched too thin. May be afraid of a long-term commitment to help. Probably do not understand the breadth of help needed and that they most certainly have something to contribute. May be very busy. May be excited to have something meaningful to do.

If the person is a church member recruited to help out because there are not many natural relationships, he or she may cherish it as a way of serving Jesus. But may be concerned about the long-term commitment for someone he or she does not know and, as of yet, has no personal stake in the family's or person's success.

Step 2: What might potential group members be THINKING about their lives? About themselves? What do they want out of life? (Remember, this is a brainstorm about the range of thoughts that might exist inside of the different people who will be invited to join the Disaster Energy Group.)

Hopefully they consider that they are very lucky to not have such a problem themselves. They probably think they should help and would like to rise to the occasion. They might be thinking that the family or individual got themselves into this jam by not doing something they think should have been done. They might think this is a real opportunity to help the victim family or individual get a new and better start on life. They might think that this is the "beginning of the end" for the family or person with the problem. Etc. Etc.

Step 3: What might potential group members be FEELING about their lives? About themselves? (Remember, this is a brainstorm about the range of feelings that might exist inside of the different people who will be invited to join the Disaster Energy Group.)

They may feel overwhelmed by the demands on their own life and that they do not have time to help. However, they probably feel that they really want to help. They may feel that they have nothing to offer the situation. They may be struggling with giving up some of their freedom to help or changing plans or deciding not to spend money on something because they want to be able to share money to help solve the family's or individual's problem. They, however, want to feel good about themselves and that probably means being helpful more than having things. Etc. Etc.

Step 4: Regarding the group/team you will propose, what might potential team members think and feel about it? And what might they think and feel about you, the leader?

They may think it is a good idea. Or they might feel it is unnecessary and an over-reaction. They may be uncomfortable in a group, but still want to do it because of the urgency of the need. Some may not like some of the others. Some may look forward to getting to know better the other important people in the lives of the problematic family or individual. Etc. Etc.

Step 5: What do YOU think and feel about the potential team members? About the team as a whole? About leading the team? About your skills, the facilities, etc.?

I feel a little anxious that something will come up or that the task as a whole is too big. I am excited about bringing together those people most motivated to help the family or individual. I need to know more about leading a group so that it does all of the work of helping the family or individual while I focus on helping the group be successful, avoid pitfalls, and overcome barriers. Etc. Etc.

DEVELOPING THE "OFFER OF OPPORTUNITY"

The Offer of Opportunity is a very simple and sensitive statement of group purpose that draws people to seriously consider joining. It should be short.

"How would you like to be in the group that helps Bill Smith finally find a job and be able to support his family?"

Note that this is short and to the point. During the next task, actually meeting with the people and telling them of the opportunity to help, you will help the individuals think about and decide whether or not to join the Energy Group.

STARTING THE NATURAL RELATIONSHIPS GROUP
(NRG or pronounced "Energy Group")

Identifying Target Energy Group Members

You will want to identify those who are in the Inner Circle of the family or individual needing help. Ask the family or individual in emergency who are the Christian friends and family close by.

It is hoped that the people identified, the target group you will offer the opportunity to serve on the Energy Group, will be those who have most at stake in seeing the family or person put back "on their feet". It is these who should be the ones most motivated to help over the long haul. To help them hang in for the many months that may be required, the Energy Group, of which they are a member, will tap other resources so that no one is drained of energy or resources.

Try to build a list of 8 to 10 people. If there are not enough family and friends of the family in disaster, target church members who can help.

Call a Meeting

It is best to call those identified as potential Energy Group members and ask them to attend a meeting about helping the family or individual. Here is where all that "tuning-in" will be important. You will attempt in the phone call or face-to-face meeting to show that you understand the person you are talking to so that you can overcome any barriers or resistance to their attending the meeting.

Express that you know they are concerned because they are a friend or relative. Inform each person that out of the meeting a group will form to see help the family or individual. Tell them that at the meeting they can consider being a part of this important group effort. Or, at least, they can tell the new group of resources they may know of that can help.

Do your best to help them see that they can be of immeasurable help to their friend or relative. Help them to understand that the group effort means that no one has to have all the answers and the burden will not be placed on only a few people.

We call these groups Energy Groups, but that is for instructional purposes. You can just speak of a "Group to Help Bill Smith Find a Job".

Some will not be able to attend the first meeting where people actually form a group to help. However, they can still join the group at a later time.

At the Meeting, Form a Contract

The Contract is a set of agreements between the members of a group– and also with the leader. The Contract establishes understanding and commitment necessary for the group to accomplish its purpose.

For most of the first meeting there will not be a group, only a collection of individuals working at deciding whether or not they want to form a group. Starting with item #10, the group has begun and has its own responsibilities.

THE FOLLOWING IS A WAY THE GROUP LEADER CAN GET A GROUP STARTED RIGHT. IN SO DOING, HE OR SHE WILL:

1. Present the possibility of a group experience.
2 . Help prospective group members consider the offer.
3. Help those who want the group experience actually form a group.
4. Help the new group define their expectations through agreements that will help them
be successful at achieving the group purpose.

CONTRACTING STEP ONE: Using your “tuning-in” that you did before this first meeting, help the potential group members know that you care for them and somewhat understand them and their life situations.

Informal conversation is the best way to communicate your understanding and help potential group members relax and feel comfortable enough to hear your “Offer of Opportunity” without reservation, and know that they can say “yes” or “no”.

Addressing everyone, ask them to stay for the whole meeting, even if it looks like they will not be able to join the group being offered. Let them know that their contributions at this time will be helpful to the group that does form.

CONTRACTING STEP TWO: Offer the group in as simple a way as possible. Basically, you will communicate the “Offer of Opportunity” and lend a vision about the benefit of group participation, especially the benefits of working together.

Let me propose a group purpose. How would you like to form a group to help Bill Smith finally find a job and be able to support his family? If you work together to help the Smith Family recover a good life, then you will have done something monumental and can feel really good. What do you think?

CONTRACTING STEP THREE: Help potential group members either accept the group as offered, modify the group, propose an acceptable alternative, or reject the idea of a group altogether.

Help individuals propose (or propose yourself if potential group members are unable) any needed modifications to more clearly define the purpose of the group, a purpose that is motivating because it is very important. But remember, the purpose must be one that fits your own purpose.

Do you want to propose any changes to the group’s purpose? Presently it is the purpose of this proposed group to help Bill Smith finally find a job and be able to support his family. Do you want to modify this in any way?

CONTRACTING STEP FOUR: Lead a discussion on the cost of group membership for successful work toward accomplishment of the purpose. Things to consider may include but are not limited to the following: (a) time and length and frequency of meetings; (b) email or texting availability, (c) commitment to help one another and not let any burden overwhelm anyone, (d) confidentiality where needed, (e) etc.

I suggest that, if you decide to form this group, at the start meetings be weekly on Thursday nights from 7 to 9 pm. After critical things are accomplished to help the Bill Smith, meetings can be changed by the group to less frequent, if desired. Would that work for you? Does any other time seem better? I might be able to meet at another time.

To be successful, group members will need to be fairly regular in attendance. Would this be hard for any of you?

Since this will be an emergency situation for a while, can everyone be available by email and phone texting between meetings?

Etc.

CONTRACTING STEP FIVE: Acquire from each potential member an agreement to be a part of the group, committed to the group’s purpose and willing to pay the cost of membership.

Restate your “Offer of Opportunity”.

If anyone does not want to join the group, ask them to stick around for the rest of this meeting and offer ideas. Let them know that if at any time they change their mind and want to join the group and its purpose to help the Smith Family, they just need to say so.

Do you want to do this? Do you want to form a group to help Bill Smith finally find a job and be able to support his family?

CONTRACTING STEP SIX: Ask for commitment of group members to each other.

Can each of you commit, not only to the group and its purpose, but also to each other as group members, to help each person help the group in its work toward the purpose and goals? If you help each other group member function at his or her best, Bill Smith will be helped much more and get a job faster.

CONTRACTING STEP SEVEN: Help the potential group agree to and accept your role as group leader. Give and explain your own commitment to help the individuals become a functional group and to help the group work toward its purpose. Explain that success is in their control – you cannot guarantee it.

As group leader it is my job to help your group do its best to achieve the group purpose of seeing to it that Bill Smith Family gets a job. It is not my position to be a member of the group or to actively help Bill Smith in any other way than helping you be the most successful group possible. I will need to be as little a part of the group’s process as possible so that I can analyze what is going on and what the group and individual members need to do to be successful.

My role is kind of like a coach, and your group is like a football team. I help. You do the actual work of making your group effective and helping Bill Smith. As long as you are in agreement to do this, I will commit to help you as a group to my best ability.

I must not do what you are capable of doing, in order to not hold the group back from growth leading to success. It is your group, and you must become capable to do the work. I will not be distant or inactive, I will just be doing different things -- those things that will help you develop a healthy group that works toward its purpose.

Do you agree to this leadership arrangement?

CONTRACTING STEP EIGHT: When they agree, it is time for you to commit yourself to help the group and its group members.

Since you have committed yourselves to the group, to one another, and to my help, I’m with you. I’ll help you as best as I can.

CONTRACTING STEP NINE: Explain that they have just formed a group: two or more people who need each other to work on a common purpose.

You have just done the most important thing for group success – you have become a group with a purpose that you will work on together as a group to achieve.

CONTRACTING STEP TEN: Go over a little more carefully who is to be a "true" member of their group. Explain that membership has benefits like cooperation and friendliness and respectfulness. Ask them if anyone cannot give those things to the people in the room who have accepted membership. Usually they will readily agree, and this may be important later if any of those things are withheld from someone.

Ask the group if there is anyone they know of who should be invited to be a member of the group, but was not.

Now you need to decide that everyone who is in this room and has agreed to be a member of the group will be a true member and receive the benefits of membership. Among many things, this includes friendliness, respectfulness, to be kept up to date on information, and cooperation in helping Bill Smith Family get a good job.

Do you agree that each of you is to be a member and receive these advantages of membership?

Do you think anyone else should be in the group? If so, and you all agree, which means the group has made a decision about it, then you need to decide how to approach that person and bring him or her on board.

CONTRACTING STEP ELEVEN: Help the group explore the feelings of each member about being in the group so that work in the group can be as full of positive expectation and as free as possible of fear, ambivalence, anger, embarrassment, etc.

It will help if the group will ask each member how it feels to be in such a group as this is going to be. Expressions of excitement and anticipation will empower your group. Expressions of uncertainty and fear that something bad will happen will also be good to discuss.

CONTRACTING STEP TWELVE: Help the group explore what kinds of individual behavior will be expected of each of the members for the group to go well and be successful in helping the Smith Family recover. After dealing with individual behaviors that will help the group succeed, discuss what behaviors will be detrimental to group success.

It would be a good idea at this time to discuss among yourselves what might be required from each of you to help the group successfully work at accomplishing the group’s purpose of helping Bill Smith get a good job.

It will speed things up if you now review ahead of time some of the things individual members will need to do for your group to be successful. An example might be that individuals need to offer suggestions without worrying if they are good suggestions so that creative thought will not be stiffled.

CONTRACTING STEP THIRTEEN: Help the group consider what it will need to do as a group, i.e. the group as a whole rather than the individual members. Help them to identify things like creating a "can do", positive, accepting atmosphere. There is no need for the group members to understand the span of their responsibilities. But they do need to know that the group as a whole will need to do many things – as a group. Considering some of them at the beginning of the group will focus the minds of group members as well as the group as a whole.

When you can get the time, go through at least the first two free courses at this site in Small Group Leadership. Course One will give you a feel for the most important things you need to do as a leader. Course Two will explain the breath of what the group needs to do. It will not take a lot of time to do this.

You might want to think of your group as a football group. There are many things that each of you must do for the group to be successful, as we have already discussed. For example, one of you might have to block, another go out for a pass, and another throw the football. And, all of you would have to eat right and exercise continually.

But, like a football team, there are many things you will have to do as a group. The football team as a group needs to get the ball across the goal line. You as a group also have responsibilities such as making every group member feel important, accepted and capable of contributing.

So, what other things can you think of that you will have to do, working together to accomplish more than you can by mere individual contribution?

[YOU AND THE GROUP PAUSE AND DISCUSS]

Let me run through a few of the group’s responsibilities. The group will need to stay on track and keep focused on its purpose. Most groups fail because they do not fully understand and faithfully pursue their purpose.

Sometimes the group will be like a wrestling tag match. One of you will say something to somebody. That somebody will not understand. Another of you will explain what was said in your own different way of saying things. That will probably help the person understand what the first person said to him or her.

Making sure that the useful ideas of everyone are expressed is one of the most important tasks of your group.

CONTRACTING STEP FOURTEEN: Help the group discuss general goals in helping Bill Smith get a job, if there is time.

Discuss the most urgent needs for immediate group action. Find out what Bill Smith needs.

Next, study the contracting process of another type of church group or team.

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